About a couple of weeks after getting back to Mumbai, I was lying down on the sofa in my hall in front of the Srimurti. It was at about 10.30 am and I was not feeling too energetic and that’s why I was lying in that position praying that Amma Bhagavan help me.
Suddenly, I saw Amma and Bhagavan sitting on my right side. Bhagavan told me that He was going to give me healing and remove all the blocks in my system. Amma silently slid under my head and held me in her lap. Bhagavan placed his hands on my stomach, much to my surprise. He explained that the blocks are generally embedded in the abdomen and hence He needed to give me healing there.
I thought that this process will happen for a few minutes and settled down to just receive it. After about an hour, I realized that a lot of time had passed and Bhagavan was still giving me deeksha. I suddenly felt sorry for Amma holding my heavy head and shoulders on her lap for such a long time. The moment this thought came into me, Amma said, “I am perfectly fine Sundari, you just relax.” Tears rolled down my face at the love both Amma and Bhagavan have for me and how hard they were working at removing my blocks.
Another thought came into me that I had not eaten anything since morning. The moment this thought came, Bhagavan said, “All the better to receive the deeksha. It works best on an empty stomach.” There was no arguing that, of course.
I needed to use the toilet twice in the middle of the process. Both times, Bhagavan was kind enough to let me go, while both of them awaited my return. I love you AB!
Finally, it was 2.40 pm when Bhagavan lifted His hands from my stomach. He told me that it had taken that long to remove all the vasanas from all of my 525 plus the present 526th janam on this earth. I could well understand that.
Amma and Bhagavan left after completing their work and I got up with aching arms and legs. A few days went on with me expecting thundering miracles in my life. After about 10 days, my mind started playing. I could see myself sliding into a breakdown while my mind pointed out what all Amma Bhagavan could have done to improve my life and had not despite removing ALL the blocks.
I started fighting with Bhagavan when I was doing my namaskarams at night when I suddenly stopped. I told Amma Bhagavan that I will not talk to them while they could talk to me and that I will just do their ‘naama japa’ until some earth-shattering miracle happened in my life.
After a day had passed, I began to realize that I had been pushed into doing this by the Divine Himself. Over the next four days, whenever I woke up, instead of talking to AB as I usually do, I began chanting ‘Amma Bhagavan’ or ‘Moola Mantra’ or kept saying ‘Muruga Muruga’. I also did this whenever my mind began to say something. I did not allow it to talk at all. This continued even during the time I woke up in the middle of the night.
At the end of the fourth day, the earth did shatter around me - I felt such a powerful sense of peace steal over me. I have never felt such peace in my memory. And something else also had happened. I was in total BREAKTHROUGH. I have felt myself in breakthrough and breakdown states many times. It had always seemed like the movement of the pendulum – going back and forth. My Breakthrough states have remained for about 3-4 days at one stretch, at the most.
Today, the state I am in is entirely God given. Every day, I thank Amma Bhagavan for keeping me in Breakthrough over the past 24 hours and at the same time request them to continue keeping me in Breakthrough for the next 24 hours. Nothing else, just that!
THE DIVINE HAS MADE ME REALISE THAT THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO LIFE!
ANANTA KODI NAMASKARAM TO MY AMMA BHAGAVAN!