OLD DIARIES... continued
Here I would like to mention something that I think is very important. The main problems we face in life today are the result of all the guilt, fear and judgement we have over others and ourselves. We have a mind; we have to think about what? How can someone do this or that? Hate ourselves for what we are doing or have done? Is this what God wanted? NO NO NO! He wants us to love ourselves.
Okay, now comes the question, “Sundari, how do YOU know?”
The answer is very simple. I know because I never stopped questioning throughout the 41 years of my life and my quest has given me some wonderful answers and I have no words to thank God for this.
I also have to mention here that I have considered everyone in my life a teacher and have learnt something from that person, be it my father-in-law or my mother-in-law and my sisters-in-law.
You may wonder how. The answer is simple, as we grow we come across so many qualities in the various people we meet, and as we keep judging and grading these, we keep choosing what qualities are suited for us and what we choose not to have.
I always believed in informal prayers
I learned a lot of shlokas after I met my mother-in-law. She used to keep saying that the different prayers to different Gods had different values. I could relate to this. I have heard my grandparents praying loudly and knew a lot of shlokas by heart, although I was not even aware of this. Later, I started learning them on listening to my MIL’s advice. She was my teacher in this respect.
It was my Revathi Chitti who taught me not to feel guilt. My father was and is still a person who considers his duty above everything else. He is so dutiful that I feel he has totally forgotten how to enjoy life. He feels he has to do his duty very correctly and feels tense and guilty for the smallest things. Most of us daughters have acquired this quality of his. My mother is the cool one despite having lived with my father for 44 years now.
Well, my chitti advised me very strongly that I should do what I am capable of to my heart’s content and then go ahead and keep myself happy. She explained to me about how there was no end to people’s expectations and if we start living up to that then we would never find time to live for ourselves. How profound! I started realizing something else now. I got my messages at the right times in my life especially when I was seeking them. The QUEST is important.
Someone asked me the other day, ‘you have answers to so many questions. What about the sufferings we have? Do you have an explanation for these?’
I did not have it then. But now I do. We have both sufferings and happiness in our lives. We always feel that the one is all encompassing and the second is fleeting. This is a trick of the mind.
When we suffer, we feel it very deeply. When we are happy, we run through it so fast. ‘So what? Happy times do fly by.” Very true! But as I mentioned earlier, stop wallowing in the past. But of course, that is just ‘yetu suraikkai’. How can we do that? We keep running through our past. When we do that, do we keep reliving our happy moments? Some of us do, but many of us keep recalling the pain and keep at it.
The result, you keep repeatedly getting what you are visualizing. Keep visualizing your happy moments and thank the Lord for this and see what it makes of your life. I will not tell you. You DO it.